Next update:

To mentally prepare for my first testosterone injection, I reminded myself that it could be overwhelming. I expected a difficult adjustment period as my body adapted to the new hormone balance. This was true for the first week—but in the end, it didn’t even matter because I was too happy to care.

Then, something special happened. A sense of calm washed over me, and that feeling has stayed with me ever since. I feel patient, at ease, and no longer pressured to control everything like I did before. My mind feels much more connected to my body. For the first time, I feel whole, and this has allowed me to be comfortable with myself in a way I’ve never experienced before.

The past month has been one of realizing that changes happen slowly. You don’t suddenly look like a man overnight; your body takes its time adjusting. Because of this, I noticed that I had to take a small step back in my enthusiasm—waiting became frustrating. Now that I’m looking through a realistic lens again, I feel on top of the world.

I never knew I could feel this comfortable in life. I’m looking toward the future with incredible positivity, and I feel like I started to become who I am meant to be.

Even though, honestly, there wasn’t that much to stress about. I don’t know if this is something everyone experiences, but just knowing that something big is coming up—without knowing exactly when—completely takes over my mind.

I was supposed to get a call for an intake for chest surgery, and with that call, I’d also get a surgery date. Something I was really looking forward to! Just when I thought my stress couldn’t get any worse, it skyrocketed the moment I actually heard the date. Like—wow, now it’s real. A few days later, things calmed down a bit, and I was finally able to actually start enjoying the excitement. But I didn’t have much time to soak it in, because the date turned out to be just two and a half weeks away. Let’s go!

This was truly a month in which an important turning point took place. I noticed that people in public spaces increasingly give me confused looks when they scan me, because they can’t quite place me. I like this, because it means something is really changing. Especially now that I’ve had chest surgery, I can allow myself to truly start feeling like a man. That also includes going to the men’s restrooms and changing room. So I just went for it — I did find it a bit nerve-wracking, but also really exciting. It’s actually strange that when I was a woman, it felt totally normal to go to the men’s restroom. But now suddenly it feels like a whole experience.

Overall I still feel absolutely great. Even though I often have to step out of my comfort zone, I enjoy it every time.

This was a month in which I started to get back into my old routines, after several weeks of recovery from chest surgery. I’ve noticed that my body still needs to readjust to exercising and eating healthy. It was a bit tough at first, but I’m beginning to enjoy it again. I feel like I’m gradually returning to everyday life.

It’s a great feeling to notice that, when I go to new places, I now dare to simply exist as a man. Chest surgery plays a big role in this growing sense of confidence. When I look at myself honestly, I still see that I come across as more feminine than how my mind perceives me. That can be hard at times, but I also know that with patience, this will shift.

All in all, I feel really good and can once again say with full conviction: I have never been better.

It’s time to take a step back. I’ve noticed that with all the excitement and positivity, things can sometimes become overwhelming. It’s not sustainable to stay in high-energy mode for so long. My sleep has been getting worse, which means less rest and more energy being used up.

This also feels like a moment where the biggest changes—for now—have happened, and everything can start to settle. And it really is settling. I never expected that there would be so many personal changes as well. Not just the transition from female to male, but the entire experience has changed the way I see the world.

Because of that, I’m starting to revisit things I thought were long settled. It’s a beautiful journey, but it’s also a challenging one. Even though I notice it’s sometimes heavy and I need to slow down a bit, everything I’m experiencing is still positive, and I definitely go through it all with a smile on my face.